Dazed and Confused...

I was supposed to be in class until 8 p.m. but our professor forgot to bring the footage we were supposed to edit so he let us go home early. The whole class was pretty psyched about getting a couple of hours of down time and so was I. I finished editing the assignment that was due and I told you all about yesterday. I thought I wouldn't be able to finish it in time but I actually did. So that made me happy and it made me feel accomplished. 

At home I was feeling pretty shitty because I still haven't gotten paid (un-fucking-believable!) and I got a text from my sister. Kind of made me feel better when she wrote "we're fucked! lol". To read her "lol" and know she was laughing kind of made me feel like I'm not alone in the world, that someone understands what I'm going through.

After a couple of texts dissing my so-called place of work my sister asked me what I felt like having for dinner... and I was undecided because my current situation makes me feel sick to my stomach. She finally convinced me to make mac&cheese. So I dragged my feet into the kitchen and starting dabbling. I sort of felt like the  swedish chef on the Muppets. Finished preparing the meal and decided I wanted to put on something more confortable. Pajama mode was on like donkey kong! 

I ate my dinner as I watched an episode of grey's anatomy and I felt like my brain was shutting down because I couldn't possibly tell you what went on during the episode I watched. And the eating... the handling the fork and guiding it with food to my mouth was all very mechanical and not at all thought about. I felt like a machine about to break down. I tried to read for a while but I realized I couldn't process any information. I felt dazed and confused... helpless and misused. With such frustrations taking over I just gave up and dragged my ass to bed. I was asleep before I could even think about anything. That's how tired I've been lately...

What will this night be like?